Lunch Conversation at The Diner

Lilly: Charlie what if I am homecoming queen and you are king.
Charlie: we are too short, Lilly. One time when I was in kindergarten I was in the bathroom and some kid shouted hey the preschools over there and pointed across the street

Come On Kids We Are Going To The Gyno...

Dear Mom,
 I had a moment on Monday that would of ended in a hysterical phone call to you. (the good kind)  You know the one where you pick up and can't tell if I am laughing or crying? This one, I would of been laughing.

So as usual I push my yearly physical off as much as possible. I was due in February, and I had one set up for April. Work asked me to travel to Pennsylvania during that time so I had to cancel. Darn it! So I pushed it out til June 5th. Perfect, the kids will be out of school, and I will get someone to take the twins for me that morning. I will be by myself, and treat myself to a cholesterol filled Starbucks drink when I am done and drive home sipping it, and blaring some music.

 The planner in me, started to text out messaging looking for someone to help with the kids.  Grandma Nellie was out, she was going to Duluth. Auntie Angie, was taking her to Duluth with Max and Regan so Angie was out. I text the 15 year old Neighbor, and she was in! I put the reminder in my phone and work calendar. June 5th here we come. Let's eat right and get the numbers down, Mando. Yeah right...summer on the lake = Horrible Health.

Sunday June 4th, text from Neighbor....I have track practice from 10 to 11, so I can't babysit anymore.  Her season is extended due to the Rocori team rocking it this year. So yeah for them!

 So, do I call Grandpa Jeff? Adam is in the cities for work picking up the on call  phone.  I thought to myself....I can do this. I am pretty sure I will not be the woman to walk into a physical with children who are old enough to sort of get it, and ask 100 questions.

The twins were not thrilled about having to go with, but I just told them there was no choice. Sunday we spend all day on the lake, and were all pretty worn out and sun burned.  Sunday night they asked for a sleepover with me, so I sent Adam to the basement and all 3 of us slept in my bed. I almost felt bad for them, like I was forcing them to do something terrible the next day. It's like when you promise them ice cream after the kindergarten booster shots. I thought to myself... "Goodnight Sleep Tight..Tomorrow You See Mom In Stirrups."

Morning of June 5th. I wake up with swollen eyes, and sunburned shoulders. Roll over, look at my phone... SH*T....it is 8:22! I have to be there by 9.  No shower for this gal..I brush my hair, brush teeth, clean up. Get kids dressed, make them go potty and hit the road.  I told them to bring their ipads, and headphones. Why our headphones? I want you to be as distracted as possible. They refused headphones, so out the door we went with the fully charged Ipads. ( I made sure they were charged before bed.)  

I made good time and wasn't even that late. The nice thing about being a tad late is you get called back right away, so I may be on to something here. We get called into the room and the kids follow me back with ipads in hand. I repeatedly apologize about my baggage, and the LPN was not worried at all. She takes my vitals, gets my info, and then tells me to undress, gown open in back and sit on the table and wait for the Dr. 

Charlie shouts... "You have to get naked?!"

"Turn around and look at the wall kids." I calmly advise. 

I get all situated and get back up on the table and they are looking at me so curiously from the 2 chairs next to the desk. I usually sit in the chair while talking to the LPN and Dr.  but this whole time my spot is on the high and mighty stirrup machine. Charlie is relieved that I am in a gown and just not sitting there nude. 

I'm swinging my legs back and forth, trying to figure out how I am going to manage the next 15 minutes. There is a poster on the wall that shows how a baby looks while in the womb, very detailed. I showed them, and explained how it all works. Charlie chimes in... "it must of been pretty tight in there with you Lilly."  That made me grin.  

Charlie then chimes in "So mom, if someone has more than twins, like triplets or 8 babies, how do they feed them? You only have 2 nipples?"

Knock Knock, can I enter? Dr. says.

Hell yes, my son just asked a question that I want to avoid. I thought to myself. 

The routine starts with talking, and the kids were listening more attentively than they ever have in their life. For the love of god...look at your ipads I thought. Luckily they don't know what certain words are yet, and they just fly right past them. 1. Period 2. Sexual Partners 3. Birth Control 4. More Kids etc.. Lilly looked at me with an eager smile when the doctor mentioned more kids and I said.. "We are good." 

The doctor then stands up and I know it is time...time for her to look in the glory hole. She pulls up the stirrups.  I tell the kids to turn and look at the wall and look on their ipads. They see me start to lay back, and know I mean business. This part went very well actually. She stood in a good spot to block them pretty well, and she talked very calmly to me and I don't think the kids  heard her this time. She finished up, and we finished out meeting. She shook my hand like a true Gyno and was on her way. 

I told the kids to look at the wall again while I got dressed, and got situated.  As I am changing, I see Charlie is looking at his ipad, but with a blank screen! This little pervert was using it as a mirror to watch what was going on. So, I now have no idea what he saw, and we have not talked about it. I don't think we ever will either. 

When we got home, I secretly looked at both of their Ipads to make sure no Videos or pictures were taken! 

Before we went home and I started working for the day, we stopped at Perkins for some grub. Charlie ordered chocolate chip pancakes and mashed potatoes. I don't see him being one to try the Adkins diet anytime soon. 

So there you go, Mamma. I thought of you a lot on Monday and I hope you got to see me in my prime as I manage through this crazy thing we call motherhood/life. 

Love Mando!