Lunch Conversation at The Diner

Lilly: Charlie what if I am homecoming queen and you are king.
Charlie: we are too short, Lilly. One time when I was in kindergarten I was in the bathroom and some kid shouted hey the preschools over there and pointed across the street

Come On Kids We Are Going To The Gyno...

Dear Mom,
 I had a moment on Monday that would of ended in a hysterical phone call to you. (the good kind)  You know the one where you pick up and can't tell if I am laughing or crying? This one, I would of been laughing.

So as usual I push my yearly physical off as much as possible. I was due in February, and I had one set up for April. Work asked me to travel to Pennsylvania during that time so I had to cancel. Darn it! So I pushed it out til June 5th. Perfect, the kids will be out of school, and I will get someone to take the twins for me that morning. I will be by myself, and treat myself to a cholesterol filled Starbucks drink when I am done and drive home sipping it, and blaring some music.

 The planner in me, started to text out messaging looking for someone to help with the kids.  Grandma Nellie was out, she was going to Duluth. Auntie Angie, was taking her to Duluth with Max and Regan so Angie was out. I text the 15 year old Neighbor, and she was in! I put the reminder in my phone and work calendar. June 5th here we come. Let's eat right and get the numbers down, Mando. Yeah right...summer on the lake = Horrible Health.

Sunday June 4th, text from Neighbor....I have track practice from 10 to 11, so I can't babysit anymore.  Her season is extended due to the Rocori team rocking it this year. So yeah for them!

 So, do I call Grandpa Jeff? Adam is in the cities for work picking up the on call  phone.  I thought to myself....I can do this. I am pretty sure I will not be the woman to walk into a physical with children who are old enough to sort of get it, and ask 100 questions.

The twins were not thrilled about having to go with, but I just told them there was no choice. Sunday we spend all day on the lake, and were all pretty worn out and sun burned.  Sunday night they asked for a sleepover with me, so I sent Adam to the basement and all 3 of us slept in my bed. I almost felt bad for them, like I was forcing them to do something terrible the next day. It's like when you promise them ice cream after the kindergarten booster shots. I thought to myself... "Goodnight Sleep Tight..Tomorrow You See Mom In Stirrups."

Morning of June 5th. I wake up with swollen eyes, and sunburned shoulders. Roll over, look at my phone... SH*T....it is 8:22! I have to be there by 9.  No shower for this gal..I brush my hair, brush teeth, clean up. Get kids dressed, make them go potty and hit the road.  I told them to bring their ipads, and headphones. Why our headphones? I want you to be as distracted as possible. They refused headphones, so out the door we went with the fully charged Ipads. ( I made sure they were charged before bed.)  

I made good time and wasn't even that late. The nice thing about being a tad late is you get called back right away, so I may be on to something here. We get called into the room and the kids follow me back with ipads in hand. I repeatedly apologize about my baggage, and the LPN was not worried at all. She takes my vitals, gets my info, and then tells me to undress, gown open in back and sit on the table and wait for the Dr. 

Charlie shouts... "You have to get naked?!"

"Turn around and look at the wall kids." I calmly advise. 

I get all situated and get back up on the table and they are looking at me so curiously from the 2 chairs next to the desk. I usually sit in the chair while talking to the LPN and Dr.  but this whole time my spot is on the high and mighty stirrup machine. Charlie is relieved that I am in a gown and just not sitting there nude. 

I'm swinging my legs back and forth, trying to figure out how I am going to manage the next 15 minutes. There is a poster on the wall that shows how a baby looks while in the womb, very detailed. I showed them, and explained how it all works. Charlie chimes in... "it must of been pretty tight in there with you Lilly."  That made me grin.  

Charlie then chimes in "So mom, if someone has more than twins, like triplets or 8 babies, how do they feed them? You only have 2 nipples?"

Knock Knock, can I enter? Dr. says.

Hell yes, my son just asked a question that I want to avoid. I thought to myself. 

The routine starts with talking, and the kids were listening more attentively than they ever have in their life. For the love of god...look at your ipads I thought. Luckily they don't know what certain words are yet, and they just fly right past them. 1. Period 2. Sexual Partners 3. Birth Control 4. More Kids etc.. Lilly looked at me with an eager smile when the doctor mentioned more kids and I said.. "We are good." 

The doctor then stands up and I know it is time...time for her to look in the glory hole. She pulls up the stirrups.  I tell the kids to turn and look at the wall and look on their ipads. They see me start to lay back, and know I mean business. This part went very well actually. She stood in a good spot to block them pretty well, and she talked very calmly to me and I don't think the kids  heard her this time. She finished up, and we finished out meeting. She shook my hand like a true Gyno and was on her way. 

I told the kids to look at the wall again while I got dressed, and got situated.  As I am changing, I see Charlie is looking at his ipad, but with a blank screen! This little pervert was using it as a mirror to watch what was going on. So, I now have no idea what he saw, and we have not talked about it. I don't think we ever will either. 

When we got home, I secretly looked at both of their Ipads to make sure no Videos or pictures were taken! 

Before we went home and I started working for the day, we stopped at Perkins for some grub. Charlie ordered chocolate chip pancakes and mashed potatoes. I don't see him being one to try the Adkins diet anytime soon. 

So there you go, Mamma. I thought of you a lot on Monday and I hope you got to see me in my prime as I manage through this crazy thing we call motherhood/life. 

Love Mando! 

3 Years

Dear Mamma,
 
     Today marks 3 years since you passed. It doesn't get easier, but it sure does surprise me how fast the 3 years went by. I remember those days like they were yesterday. There is so much I want to tell you, show you, and talk with you about. I do it all in my head usually, and it sometimes makes me laugh and sometimes it fills my eyes with tears.


You now have a grandchild in college, you have 1 grandchild that is a fresh driver, one is on her way to turning 16, and the youngest grandkids are now reading. I remember when the twins were just learning to talk and say words...I would call you and have them say the words into the phone. I could just see your smile and face light up on the other end of the phone. Remember coaching me through the teething stage? The fevers, sleepless nights, diarrhea filled diapers? Well those teeth are now falling out and they are getting adult teeth now.

The twins are a perfect mix of Adam and I. They are Sweet (sugar) like their Father, and Spicy like their Mamma.It is awesome. Lilly is a mother hen and a people pleaser, and Charlie is a mamma's boy who needs a bit of motivating, but he will be just fine.  Lilly has a tad of a drama queen side, but the good thing is, she only lets is roar around Adam and I usually. So, nobody believes us, and we look like we are lying and she looks innocent.

You passed away on the 19th, and on the 20th it was Easter. Easter still isn't my favorite holiday, but I put on my big girl pants so my kids enjoy it. Kids love Easter, and when they are happy so am I. This year on Easter I ended up in urgent care with strep throat. So, I don't see me and Easter getting along anytime soon either.

Pretty ironic...the week of the anniversary of your passing, I get sick and yearn for my mamma even more. I felt sorry for myself, not gonna lie. I was sitting in urgent care alone, with my head resting on my hand. I was thinking... "I would be on the phone with my mom if she were here." I snapped out of it, and realized that I am sure there were many times you felt sorry for yourself, but we didn't notice either. Fake it, Til You Make It, is my new motto. I realized people have it worse off than me, and I am happy my diagnosis was treatable. Just another life lesson that you taught me.

Charlie is going under the knife next month to get his tonsils out, I have already prepped myself for that day. I remember how you always knew what to say, do, or make me feel when I was sick, scared, etc. I will be doing lots of Mamma talk in my head that day.

There is a new show out on NBC called "This Is Us" The lessons of this show and the timing of it, is pretty creepy, but also very calming for me. The mother in the show is played by "Mandy Moore" and she has multiple children at a time. That is not the only tie I have to show either. There is so much more, I can't even begin to tie them back to my life hurdles and milestones.

Everyone misses you like crazy, but we are doing fine. We love the little signs you send us here and there. Keep them coming, and we will keep making you proud. 

Love, 

Mando

You are the best thing....that ever happened to me. 

LINK TO SONG

I'm Doing Fine

Hey Mamma,
     I haven't written you a letter on here in a very long time. I have been having the mental argument with myself on how..."how do I start out the blog, with such a long span of time in between?"  Today, I just told myself, who cares start writing and you just go from there. Don't feel like you owe an explanation or some incredibly well written entry. So here I am. You are in my thoughts just as much as you were 6 months ago. I think about you during happy times, sad times, funny times, scary times, so basically..ALL THE TIME.

     We sure do miss you here, but we are getting along. You would be very proud of all of us. Charlie and Lilly are thriving in school and are halfway through 1st grade already. I know you are getting a kick out of me trying to handle the ups and downs of parenting. I really miss calling you with stories about Charlie and Lilly. They will say or do things, and my first reaction is "You can't make this shit up!"

     Lilly knows everything and will let you know that. She acts like she is 15 years old, and loves to hang out in her room like a teenager. She is loud when in large crowds so she can be heard. Her feelings are hurt very easily.  She is a very good listener at school, and she is a hoarder. Her room needs a monthly sweep from me, just so we don't get mice up in here.  She loves to do crafts.

Charlie asks the best questions, and is always thinking. He is a social butterfly at school and has trouble paying attention if he is by his friends.  He is a mamma's boy, and hangs out in bed with me while I watch TV most evenings. Does this remind you of someone?  Lastnight Charlie asked me the following questions:

1. What happens if a poisonous snake bites his tongue?
2. Is an Adam's Apple Red?
3. Do only Men have Adam's apples? I think I saw one on Maya! (Laugh Hard)

Today while watching the end of Good Morning America, there was a new song on. It really hit home. It is called "I'm Doing Fine"

My 2 favorite lines:

1. I'm doing fine enough to know that everyone's a little broken
2. For the first time, in a long time, I'm doing fine

Link to Song:



                                                           "I'm Doing Fine"

Daddy got sober, Mama got his best friend
I've cut down crying to every other weekend
Thanks for asking how I've been
I've gotten to good at hiding it within
I'm okay, things are great but the truth is
Yeah, the truth is

I'm doing fine enough to know that everyone's a little broken
Fine enough to learn that hearts are best when they're wide open
I still got fear inside of me
I'm not okay but I'm gonna be alright
For the first time in a long time I'm doing fine
I'm doing fine

Daddy signed the papers the day I turned 19
Mama drove north to find a new beginning
I blamed God I blamed myself
Then I fell on my knees and prayed like hell
It's funny how a touch of grace gives you healing
Yeah, I'm healing

I'm doing fine enough to know that everyone's a little broken
Fine enough to learn that hearts are best when they're wide open
I still got fear inside of me
I'm not okay but I'm gonna be alright
For the first time in a long time I'm doing fine
I'm doing fine

Oh these growing pains well I wish they'd go away
But I guess you can't be free without a fight

I'm doing fine enough to know that everyone's a little broken
Fine enough to learn that hearts are best when they're wide open
I still got fear inside of me
I'm not okay but I'm gonna be alright
For the first time in a long, long time I'm doing fine
I'm doing fine

Daddy got sober, Mama got his best friend
But I'm doing fine, yeah

Music helps me so much, Mamma! Miss you, love you,

Mando