Their Only Friend

Dear Mom,
The other day Adam and I were driving the twins to the beach. We always pass a cemetery when we head into or out of town. As we passed the Cemetery Charlie starts to talk about friends in Heaven.

"Hey, Liddy, how many friends you have in Heaven?" asks Charlie
"Only one , and it is Grandma Pam." Lilly promptly answers
"Yep, me too. Grandpa Pam is my only friend I have in heaven." states Charlie sounding like a 68 year old farmer.

The conversation almost made me stop the van and cry on the side of the road, but it also made me smile from ear to ear.

I kept driving and listening to their sweet innocent conversations.

You were their first person that they can remember to leave and go to heaven. We know it won't be their last, but you know how it goes. There is something about "firsts." You never forget them. Your first kiss, your first hangover, your first heartbreak, your first spring break, your first friend to die from high school etc... I could go on and on. Whether they are AWESOME firsts or HORRIBLE firsts you never forget them.

Still thinking about you daily, and at times wondering if I am going crazy. I know I am not and I know I am normal. Summer is here and we are going to lake next week. I was already up north last weekend, and bought a ton of fudge in your honor at Christmas Point. I also bought a cute dress that you would approve of, and a sweet picture frame to hang in our entry way. Hanging out in the store alone with out you by my side felt weird, but it was also very calming at the same time. I would glance at things, and think... "Mom would like that."

The picture above is you rocking Charlie through his first teething induced high fever, during the summer of 2010. I was beside myself thinking he was going to go into a seizure with how high his fever was. You always had a way of calming me and my babes.

In a couple weeks we all head up north for our first Cass Lake summer without you physically with us. We will still have a grand ol' time, as I know you would not want us to sit in the cabin all week and be sad. We are going to get our ass out on that pontoon and have some FUN! Maybe even blast a little Meatloaf in your honor.

As Forrest Gump would say.. "That's all I gotta say about that."

Love you and miss you to the moon and back,
Mando